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Mothers and Daughters

18 Mar

I recently found myself in a discussion with several women about how to treat our grown daughters. One of the women complained that her daughter was manipulative.  This made me pause to think about how I felt about this.  That seems to me to be a word that many people use about parents or children along with the phrase “passive- aggressive”.  So here are some of my thoughts on this emotional issue.

First of all, ALL CHILDREN ARE MANIPULATIVE!!! (That is one of their charms) Babies get mother’s milk by being manipulative, They get hugs and snuggles that way…..And in some families they are taught to continue what seems to be consciously manipulative ways of fitting into their family. But some behavior seems less purposefully manipulative than other types, depending on the sex of the child and their innate personality.

Many continue manipulative behavior even as they grow up, often because they have MANIPULATIVE parents …or one parent who is that way.

Parents who complain about their children being manipulative are really missing the point of parenthood. Of course our children sometimes try to get their way, to bend us to their will, but parents do that too. And some of them do it to excess.

Don’t be one of those. Do not become “stubborn ” about your opinion about who is “right” in a particular case. You will be a lot happier if you let these things go. Your daughters will be a lot happier. Why not opt for happiness? (Being right can sure be lonely.)

Don’t stay and listen for one more minute to someone who would encourage you to disrespect your daughter because “it is my right” to do something that would cause her to feel her wishes are not being listened to and implemented.

You must “give a little” or a LOT in order to keep the peace and to show your daughter the UNCONDITIONAL love that a mother normally has for her child. Growing or grown daughters are women in their own right.  It may be hard for some mothers to acknowledge this. Perhaps because it makes them feel old or perhaps because they cannot let go of the perceived authority of parenthood.

I am 69 years old. My mother is still alive and she can still make me feel small, or mean, or spoiled ….or whatever she wants to make me feel. Lucky for me she is a very NICE mother and she does NOT use her power to hurt me.

(Even so ….sometimes I do get my feelings hurt because the relationship between mother and daughter is so intense.)

These things need to be discussed between mothers, daughters and grandmothers because the sweetness of a good relationship is too important to risk.  Never let lack of communication come between you and your closest relatives. Even if they do not respond.  It never hurts to let them know you love them.

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Drinking diet soda is not a wise option

10 Feb

I read an article about a new study that says daily drinking of diet soda may lead to higher risk of stroke or heart attack. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41479869/ns/health-diet_and_nutrition/

I was surprised to see some comments on Facebook about this article that showed surprise.  The surprise came from the claim that caramel coloring might be part of the problem.  I concur.  But any drink called diet is dangerous.  There is just too much information suggesting that artificial sweeteners are neurotoxins.  It is not worth the risk to drink them.  Some people have a serious reaction to these things while others may notice nothing at all.  But why do it to yourself? Soft drinks are not good for you.  Believe me I used to drink them.  I loved Coca Cola and was a complete “addict” drinking several a day for years and years.  This was before they changed their formula and started substituting HFC for sugar.  They have never tasted as good since.  I no longer drink them except as a rare ( I mean REALLY rare) treat. And when I do I am always disappointed because they do not taste like they used to.  As for diet sodas, don’t even get me started.  http://www.mercola.com/article/aspartame/symptoms.htm

What about the neurotoxins in the artificial sweeteners? How can ANY educated person still be drinking ANYTHING diet anymore? Don’t people read anything about these poisons? Why would you drink ANY flavored drink unless it is made from something natural such as real lemons or limes? Artificial sweeteners will kill you. Dead. (at least that will be the end result) Why drink the stuff at all? I just don’t get it. If you MUST have a soft drink ….at least drink a REAL ONE. Best if you can find one made with real sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup.
Why don’t people understand that what they eat is powerful and will either help them or hurt them. it is not benign. It matters what you eat.  Think before you put anything in your mouth.  “Will this help me or hurt me?”

Here is a radical article  the source for which I have not found.  But it will make you think.  Do your own research. http://www.laleva.cc/food/dietcoke-pepsie.html

I welcome your comments.

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an unusual Christmas post

22 Dec

The people I coach often have trouble  with the idea of stepping away from what their friends or family think they should do. Often the issue is one of holding a different world view, but sometimes it is just doing a different job, being married or divorced, moving to a new town or a new country.  Whatever you do be true to yourself and to your principles.

This article is so important that I decided to give my friends and readers the link to it. http://neithercorp.us/npress/2010/10/america-at-high-noon/

This may not exactly seem like a Christmas post.  But I believe we must stand up for what we believe even when others disagree.  Even if our allies hide in the shadows and secretly wish us to fail because the status quo is more comfortable.
Read the article carefully and see if it resonates with you, as it did with me.

And a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL….and for those who do not care for the religious significance of this time of year, simply enjoy the Season and Good Will Towards Men.

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