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The 4th Quarter

2 May

Which part of the game are you in? First half of life? The 3rd quarter? OK …How many of you are in the 4th quarter? I have lived more than 3/4 of a century. This is the 4th quarter for me. Pretty scary isn’t it?

As we age, our responsibilities change. For some it is moving their parent into an assisted living facility.

Life has many tangles. But we can control some of it.

Others find themselves suddenly single or have a mate who is very ill. Parnts sicken and die, children move home again after a divorce. And then there are the changes to our bodies…
These things can make us feel defeated and deflated.

There are many ways to bring yourself back from the edge of depression and despair or just plain boredom.

Even though by the 4th quarter, life has changed. It is possible to reinvent yourself at any age. And you can do this, no matter what the circumstances.

You know why? Because now, you just don’t give a damn what other people think.

My life changed 5 years ago when my Mother began to age at about 97. Gradually she lost her ability to live on her own. I reluctantly gave up my life in Charlottesville to stay with my mother in my old room, in my old house. She is now 101 years old.

And I have turned my life around. It’s fun and exciting to be here. How can we all make the 4th quarter great? There are several ways, but I will mention 2 of them.

This is my mission. I am telling it now.

First you can make a dramatic change.
Figure out what you can control.
Take a chance on something you always wished to do.
Some people downsize, or move to a retirement community, or a different state to be near their children and grandchildren.
Some people dare to realize a childhood dream.
One older woman who began to take voice lessons a few years ago, starred last Friday night in a one woman cabaret. She was fantastic. That took guts!!! But she was thrilled and even said so to the audience. “This is such fun!” She said. “You should all star in your own Cabaret!”

Another way is to become involved. Join things, volunteer, try a new sport, walk or run a 5K race, or learn to play Bridge.

There is so much to do in Washington DC. I decided to do only things that could be done right here. And I set out to make friends. For instance I joined the Capital Speakers Club and bonded with my class.
Any of you can do this. Turn your life around. Change. Don’t be afraid of the things you thought you would never do. DO THEM! And don’t be surprised if something miraculous happens.
Just as it often is in sports, the 4th quarter of the game of life can turn out to be the best, most exciting one of all.
Go for it!

Copyright©. 2019 Bonnie B. Matheson

Mothers and Daughters

18 Mar

I recently found myself in a discussion with several women about how to treat our grown daughters. One of the women complained that her daughter was manipulative.  This made me pause to think about how I felt about this.  That seems to me to be a word that many people use about parents or children along with the phrase “passive- aggressive”.  So here are some of my thoughts on this emotional issue.

First of all, ALL CHILDREN ARE MANIPULATIVE!!! (That is one of their charms) Babies get mother’s milk by being manipulative, They get hugs and snuggles that way…..And in some families they are taught to continue what seems to be consciously manipulative ways of fitting into their family. But some behavior seems less purposefully manipulative than other types, depending on the sex of the child and their innate personality.

Many continue manipulative behavior even as they grow up, often because they have MANIPULATIVE parents …or one parent who is that way.

Parents who complain about their children being manipulative are really missing the point of parenthood. Of course our children sometimes try to get their way, to bend us to their will, but parents do that too. And some of them do it to excess.

Don’t be one of those. Do not become “stubborn ” about your opinion about who is “right” in a particular case. You will be a lot happier if you let these things go. Your daughters will be a lot happier. Why not opt for happiness? (Being right can sure be lonely.)

Don’t stay and listen for one more minute to someone who would encourage you to disrespect your daughter because “it is my right” to do something that would cause her to feel her wishes are not being listened to and implemented.

You must “give a little” or a LOT in order to keep the peace and to show your daughter the UNCONDITIONAL love that a mother normally has for her child. Growing or grown daughters are women in their own right.  It may be hard for some mothers to acknowledge this. Perhaps because it makes them feel old or perhaps because they cannot let go of the perceived authority of parenthood.

I am 69 years old. My mother is still alive and she can still make me feel small, or mean, or spoiled ….or whatever she wants to make me feel. Lucky for me she is a very NICE mother and she does NOT use her power to hurt me.

(Even so ….sometimes I do get my feelings hurt because the relationship between mother and daughter is so intense.)

These things need to be discussed between mothers, daughters and grandmothers because the sweetness of a good relationship is too important to risk.  Never let lack of communication come between you and your closest relatives. Even if they do not respond.  It never hurts to let them know you love them.

Drinking diet soda is not a wise option

10 Feb

I read an article about a new study that says daily drinking of diet soda may lead to higher risk of stroke or heart attack.

I was surprised to see some comments on Facebook about this article that showed surprise.  The surprise came from the claim that caramel coloring might be part of the problem.  I concur.  But any drink called diet is dangerous.  There is just too much information suggesting that artificial sweeteners are neurotoxins.  It is not worth the risk to drink them.  Some people have a serious reaction to these things while others may notice nothing at all.  But why do it to yourself? Soft drinks are not good for you.  Believe me I used to drink them.  I loved Coca Cola and was a complete “addict” drinking several a day for years and years.  This was before they changed their formula and started substituting HFC for sugar.  They have never tasted as good since.  I no longer drink them except as a rare ( I mean REALLY rare) treat. And when I do I am always disappointed because they do not taste like they used to.  As for diet sodas, don’t even get me started.

What about the neurotoxins in the artificial sweeteners? How can ANY educated person still be drinking ANYTHING diet anymore? Don’t people read anything about these poisons? Why would you drink ANY flavored drink unless it is made from something natural such as real lemons or limes? Artificial sweeteners will kill you. Dead. (at least that will be the end result) Why drink the stuff at all? I just don’t get it. If you MUST have a soft drink ….at least drink a REAL ONE. Best if you can find one made with real sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup.
Why don’t people understand that what they eat is powerful and will either help them or hurt them. it is not benign. It matters what you eat.  Think before you put anything in your mouth.  “Will this help me or hurt me?”

Here is a radical article  the source for which I have not found.  But it will make you think.  Do your own research.

I welcome your comments.

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