Bonnie B. Matheson

Sadly this country seems to have lost it’s mind. We are prisoners of our own ridiculous new rules. People seem to have forgotten common sense completely. Herd mentality and venal accusations against anyone on the other side of an argument fills the news.

That teenager who stood his ground while confronted by a native American who was drumming in his face is a good example. The press completely lied about the incident. They showed clips meant to disturb people and stir up anti- white behavior.

Actually the News has become the new KKK. They are burning crosses but not in people’s yards. They are doing it on National TV.

I just watched a clip on Candice Owens in a hearing with Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA) where he played part of a clip of her words without bothering to find out the rest. Everyone is trying to smear everyone else. What good does that do? Gas-lighting constantly and then denying it, is the norm now.

The democrats are posting the abbreviated clip and saying that Lieu obliterated her, while the Republicans have posted the entire clip and boast that Candice Owen obliterated Representative Lieu. Both are right depending on which clip they watched.

It is really hard to have a pleasant discussion with anyone who is on a different side because they say you are a terrible person. At least that is what they say to me. They call me a racist, and elitist, and anti-gay, homophobic, anti-Islamic, anti-vaccine, anti-rabies, you name it. Think of something bad and that is what they will call me.

But I am a rather peaceful grandmother, who writes for a living. I live with my mother who, as most of you know is 101 years old. I am not a bad person. I don’t wish anyone ill. There is no group that I dislike especially. And certainly not any race or religion or sexual orientation that offends me just by being. I have friends in all those groups and others that I do not care for in the same groups. That is human. Normal. Get over it.

Some people are totally anti-woman. So what? They are outnumbered and the law supports women, not misogynists. But it seems a real waste of time to confront them. Everything is open to me as a woman. Why should I complain about sexism? Who cares? I am not a victim. I just go out and do what I wish to do.

There is no point in condemning a whole group. Individually we are all just humans, trying to get along. I learned years ago that keeping feelings of resentment and anger against another person, poisons the one who is holding onto evil feelings. It surprises me when I run into someone, like I did today who says, ” I will NEVER forget. I will Never forgive.”

I liked this woman immediately and I wanted to tell her the truth about what her attitude would end up doing to her. But I barely hinted at it. She must discover this for herself. As long as she is angry she will give power AWAY and she will give it TO THE VERY PEOPLE with whom she is angry.

Holding a grudge, holding resentment, holding anger are all like holding hot coals. Eventually you will burn yourself, if you refuse to let them go.

Let’s let go.

Today I read a wonderful post about Joe Biden.https://www.richmond.com/opinion/their-opinion/page-evans-column-hugging-makes-joe-biden-who-he-is/article_a1f16262-43b3-5a3d-957f-47dfa97e9d27.amp.html I am not a fan of Joe Biden. But the article was written by someone who is not only a fan, but a personal friend. Page Evans wrote this article for the Richmond Times Dispatch. She exposed the silliness of all these accusations against a man who is completely innocent of any wrong doing. He got caught up in the “Me, too” movements complete paranoia and fascism. Joe Biden is not a pedophile or a womanizer. And I feel sorry for him for what the Republicans are putting him through. They are mad because of what happened to poor Judge Kavanaugh. That was so embarrassing to the Left. They still have not figured that out. Good Heavens! A boy teenager. A girl, (maybe) and a possible memory. It is not enough to knock someone out of a job.

The point is, that everyone has their own take on a lot of these things. Some people will side with a Native American over a white boy, just because. Just like in the South, it was once the case that white people sided with the white boy. Times change. And what is OK changes with the times. There are some in my cohort who will never be reconstructed. You will just have wait for us to die off before all opposition ceases. I hope that is not too soon, because much of what they think is needed for balance.

Copyright©. 2019 Bonnie B. Matheson

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Our Mother was lonely for a dog who loved her. She told us so one night after dinner. My sister and I were both staying at her the house. What she said was; “I am lonely.” and we both pricked up our ears, worried we were not doing enough.  But she continued, “I am lonely for a dog who loves just me.”

My sister Dede and I conspired. Mother needed a new dog. A dachshund like all the others she had.  A red, long-haired bitch preferably. Her existing dogs were just too old to be any good. Gloria was almost 16 and Cinderella really belonged to Maria, the cook.  And she was pretty old as well, nearly 15. No wonder mother had no dog to love.

“We don’t want a young puppy, but an older dog.” we agreed. We knew buying a puppy would be crazy. Our mother was 99 years old. Her skin was like tissue paper. Puppy teeth are sharp as razors. They are not housebroken. They can be wild and crazy and too active for an old woman.

Dede said she knew someone who handled rescue dogs in California. She naturally knew all there was to know about this, and everything else. She knew and she would handle it.

“Fine”, I said.

Nothing much happened on her end, though. Time passed and she did not contact me with any good news. I was willing to let her arrange things, but just in case I began to look for other alternatives.

I found Puppy Spot online. We had never heard of this company. But I saw good reviews.

It was quiet from California. No news at all. Mother often mentioned how much she wanted a dog of her own. And in the meantime, I was in touch with https://www.puppyspot.com/. They said they had a puppy.

I said “NO”.

“No puppies need apply. It would be nuts to buy a puppy. Absolutely NOT. We do not want a puppy. Under any circumstances. NO, No, no.”

Amber was knowledgeable and patient. She let me rant.
She kept telling me how fine this puppy was. I asked how old it was.

“4 months.” She said.
“Nope.  No puppies. Absolutely NO puppies, because that would be nuts.”  Mother was 99 years old.  They won’t even sell a dog to someone that age.  We had to promise to take the dog if and when anything happened to my mother. I promised with no reservations because I love dogs.

But we still had no dog. That was mostly my fault because I kept telling everyone No puppies. Absolutely NO puppies. We need an older dog. It would be crazy to buy a puppy for our 99 year old mother. No sane person would do that, right?

Time passed.

I wrote to Dede to see how the search was going in California, for an older rescue dog. Surely she must have found something.

Nada.

She had been busy, the woman had not called her back.

The people from Puppy Spot called me again. They still had no older dog.

But at Puppy Spot, that puppy was still available. “You should really consider this wonderful puppy.  He is a great little dog.” Said Amber.

He was now a whole month older than before. (5 months instead of 4)

I said AGAIN, “NO!  We do not want a puppy for our 99 year old mother. No. no. not ever. Puppies have sharp teeth, the chew things up, they whine and they pee all over the house.” Especially dachshunds (of every age). So after listening patiently Amber said “Would you mind if I sent you a couple of photos?”

“Sure, go ahead.” What harm could do it cause?

Haha!!!  Those photos were so cute. The puppy was wearing a tie, like a man’s tie but just his size.  He had an expression on his face best described as a smirk. He was so adorable I could not stop looking at the photo.  That dog looked like he had the personality of an angel.  So sweet and cuddly and small and supple.
The photo made anyone who saw it want to own the puppy.

I sent the photos to Dede.
“Buy the dog” she replied.

So we did.  The puppy had to be shipped from Missouri to National Airport.  Someone drove me to pick him up at the service part of the airport.  We got him out of the crate in which he was flown. And he sat in my arms the entire ride home cuddling.

When we arrived I realized that I must be very careful NOT to let him bond with me. And I must be careful to not fall in love with the dog which was supposed to be my Mothers’.  So I went right to her dressing room and put the puppy in her arms.  And then I left that part of the house. I basically hid in my room all day.  I needed to stay away otherwise I would be the one holding that puppy.

I needn’t have worried. Dandy Dude seemed to understand from the beginning who his owner was.  He was tolerant of the other dogs but he did not give them much thought. He knew Mother was his person.  And he has been absolutely marvelous with her from the beginning.

We have had no problems with the puppy teeth and though he is less than housebroken he is careful of Mothers room.  Everybody loves him. It has been a marvelous thing for my mother.  She is now 101 years old and perfectly healthy.  She has a loving dog who goes everywhere that she does.  He protects her, guards her, sleeps in her bed and eats any food she drops.  

You might be surprised how a parent will react to a dog of their own.  It can be a lifesaver!

Copyright©. 2019 Bonnie B. Matheson

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Because I live with my 101- year- old mother, and sometimes fear that she will outlive me, I think more and more about what I want my own children to know. What do they need to know about my wishes for death and dying?

It is so important to talk about things like death and dying, beforehand. People put it off. I believe, for some people, this is such a difficult subject that they avoid it over and over again. These may be the same people who won’t talk to their children about what we used to call “the birds and the bees.” They wait so long that their children are already sexually active before the parents bring it up. The poor kids laugh at their parents. But the parents might actually know a thing or two that would be helpful… or would have been helpful, if they had spoken up in time.

So, the subject of death and illness or accident is much like that. People wait until it is too late to talk about it. Don’t be one of those people. Stir up your courage and tackle the problem of talking about something that is sad and distressing so that it won’t be AS sad and distressing if it happens suddenly.

For one thing, you need a “living will.” Do you have one? Do you know what that is? If you were suddenly incapacitated, would your family know what to do?  If there are decisions to be made about you, would they know your wishes? Have you made your wishes clear? Do you want to be kept alive, no matter what? Or do you want someone brave to “pull the plug”? Do you want your children to have a medical power of attorney? And if so, which children?

Do you know what your children or family feel about the issue of assisted suicide? Have you talked to each of them about how YOU feel? And if you have no children, is there another family member, or a spouse, or even a lawyer or friend of the family who would serve in this capacity for you? You may be surprised to find that your family has differing views on this very delicate subject. It is so sad to see families fighting about this issue. But they do. And sometimes, not knowing your wishes, it does irreparable damage to the family.

When something happens to you…or your spouse, and your children disagree about whether to use “heroic measures,” the disagreements can become vitriolic and destructive to the family unit.

There are things that can happen even to young and healthy people: accidents, or health events that are entirely unexpected, but nearly fatal. Have you had family discussions about this and decided what to do?

A will is a good thing.  Many people have a will in place but have never thought about a “living will” or a medical power of attorney. But it is imperative that you do think about it.  With no plan in place, your wishes are not only not followed, it could be that no one even knows what they are.

Don’t let this happen to you. Be brave. Write down what you want and what you want your children or your family to know. Make sure they are all in on your wishes. And ask questions. Do they agree with your wishes? Or are they going to try to superimpose their own on you?

You need a checklist; there are sites online that have great ones. I won’t try to duplicate such a list here. But you will need one and putting it off is not helping. When I went to look at the various things I found under “checklist on death and dying,” even though it was only for this blog post, it made me feel sort of sick. Well, sick is not the correct word, but uncomfortable in a way that translated into a sort of heaviness in my tummy and tension throughout my body. It is a difficult subject. I get it. https://www.oktodie.com/preparation-checklists/3-resources/4-planning-your-death

But it will be a lot more difficult if you ignore it. It will not go away. And in the case of sudden illness or death, it is the last thing you want to be thinking about doing. In fact, you will be doing yourself and your loved ones a huge service to get this under control now, while you can think about it dispassionately and calmly. You have time for research and discovery. You can really explore the possibilities with a reasonable sense of taking care of something normal that needs taking care of.

A couple of years ago, my mother and I sat down to write an obituary for her. She said she wanted to do this after reading the obit of one of her friends. Probably, the friend’s sons wrote that and thought it was fine because it listed the woman’s family and clubs she belonged to. But my mother was shocked at how little of her friend’s personality showed in the written words. She wanted people to know more about what she was like. Mother said, “I want it to say I loved dancing, and dogs, and pretty colors, and jewels and traveling, and family.” So, we wrote something that she liked. When the time comes, we won’t have to guess at what Mother would have wanted to see printed in the paper.

That is normal enough because she is definitely old enough now to be thinking of things like that. She is over 100 years old.

But what about me? Or you? The fact is, we all need to think about this, if for no other reason than to help our families out. Just like having a will or insurance, additional planning for eventualities makes good sense. Write an outline for an obituary if you don’t feel like writing a complete one.

Now that I have written   this, I myself have an idea of what I need to do to complete my own checklist. I will try to complete it in the next week or so, or at least by the end of the month. You, too, can begin if you have not started.  I wish you long life and great health. And peace of mind, knowing that, whatever happens, you have arranged for everything.

Spring is coming, buds are beginning to be visible on our forsythia and the daffodils are almost up. It is a great time to complete and put away these wintry tasks and prepare for the new life coming with spring.   

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Copyright©.  2019 Bonnie B. Matheson

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