So this will be short. A picture is worth one thousand words, isn’t it? And I have a couple that show the way I feel when the sun is just up and my time is my own before others awaken.

Looking East along the side of the house.

Our mornings have been spectacular the last few days. Awe-inspiring and just lovely. For me, they produce a rush of gratitude for being alive. Not everyone I love is able to experience this natural beauty. Both my mother and my brother are far too incapacitated to enjoy the surge of pleasure that seeing the world lit up in early morning light can bring.

Some members of my family believe in keeping everything light and upbeat and in my view, ‘dishonest’ when speaking to the members of the family who are so very frail mentally. My feeling is the opposite. Let them have time to speak their truth if they want to. Let them experience their pain and confusion and fear. We have no right to take that away from them by pretending that “everything is just fine”. It is not fine. It is sad. It is so terribly painful to watch. But it is also LIFE with capital letters.

View towards Van Ness Street


It is OK to experience the bad as well as the good. My family members have had wonderful full lives. Now they are both nearing the end. Not imminently dying, but heading in that direction. The sunrise and my alone time helps me come to grips with the future sadness.

Copyright©. 2019 Bonnie B. Matheson

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