It is Sunday morning and I was up early making my coffee. Sitting on the cutting board was a fresh melon that I bought yesterday but forgot to store in the refrigerator. When I opened the door of my fridge and rearranged some things to make room, I noticed a package of prociutto that I had forgotten I had. Slicing the melon, tearing off some pieces of the meat, my breakfast satisfied hunger and gave me mental entertainment. This is one of my favorite combinations. There is something about the tangy, salty, paper thin slices of ham that compliments perfectly the soft, sweet and cool flesh of the melon. This is a sensation and taste that bring back sunswept memories of the south of France when I was a preteen. Those days were a blur of pleasure and angst and all sorts of insecurities.
Now I watch my grandchildren as they search for their dreams sometimes going forward full throttle, while at others they are pushed and nudged along the way to adulthood. It is a tough journey even if there is no outward struggle. (and there is always a struggle). Growing up is the most significant event in their/our lives. And it goes on and on and on…..some people never do grow up!
One’s feelings are like water in the sea, sometimes unfathomably deep. At other times feeling are so shallow they just skim the surface. Shallow as the sheet of water thins where waves lick the shore. Sometimes they are pools, murky and dark, impossible to penetrate. These probably need to be washed out as soon as possible. Sometimes it takes a hurricane of emotion to wipe out these dark pools. Sometimes a storm works this way, or years of therapy. The ultimate goal being shining, clear, vibrant aquamarine and sapphire translucent and fragrant thoughts.
Being with family reminds me that it is always a good idea to voice your feelings, at an appropriate time. Stuffing them is what causes cloudy depths. Murky delusional feelings vaguely uncomfortable, where one is no longer sure what is under there, as of water where monsters may lurk. And what better gift can family give one another than the freedom to voice their true feelings. Knowing that there is deep affection and forgiveness allows the truth to be examined and cleansed of painful misunderstandings. Family that can be secure enough to tell each other the truth is worth more than all the gold in the world. That gift has made my life a pleasure, more than anything material ever could.